mental health

Don’t allow self doubt to hold you back

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One of the most common, but unhelpful, thinking patterns is self doubt.

When things go wrong, or don’t go to plan, it is so easy for us to look within ourselves as the first point of blame.

Once we get stuck in that cycle, it can be harmful and upsetting.  And we can become fearful of putting ourselves out there again.

If you recognise that self blame is something that you notice in your own thought patterns, try asking some reflective questions:

Is what’s happened within my control?

What did I do, or not do, that affected this outcome?

What could I do differently next time?

Do I need some help or practice in order for me to do that?

Learn to coach yourself

Any good coach would take you through this process of reflective learning, in order to help you grow and develop.

By being able to practice this kind of reflection on yourself, you can take back control over how you react, and how you will act in future.

Photo credit: Paolo Nicolello on Unsplash

Great expectations

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It’s great to have an active and positive imagination. But at times, we can also be our own worst enemy.

We build up ideas and expectations of how things should be. Either from putting unrealistic pressure on ourselves, or by judging our abilities in comparison to someone else.

If we’re planning to make changes or work towards a goal, we need to make sure that what we’re reaching for is achievable for us, given the time, resources and ability that we have available.

Setting ourselves up to fail

One of the biggest ways we sabotage ourselves is by having unrealistic or unachievable targets. And so it’s no wonder we feel disheartened. And then we can start looking for faults within ourselves to blame when things aren’t going to plan.

That’s why it is much easier to set small incremental goals – so that we can adjust and adapt accordingly. If we set out to do too much too soon, or set ourselves deadlines or end goals that are not going to happen, then we risk giving up altogether.

Also, being honest with ourselves and our current ability can help. If we’re trying to learn something new, or overcome a habit that has become stuck, then it will take work. And we will get things wrong.

So before you start something, get really clear on your expectations. Yes, set yourself challenges or look to stretch yourself, but be fair. There are enough people in the world who want to see us fail…don’t let yourself be one of them.

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What are you thinking?

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How often do you think about your thoughts?

It probably isn’t something we think about very often, is it? If anything, we’re probably too busy trying to work out what someone else is thinking, rather than ourselves.

So, I have a really simple exercise for you this week.

Set yourself a timer for the same time every day this week, where you know you can take a few minutes out of your day to ask yourself this question. “What are you thinking?”

You don’t have to spend a long time on it, but just get a general feel of what takes up space in your head as you go about your day. If you can, write down a few notes or record a voice note for yourself.

The things that come up might feel surprising or informative. You might be particularly stressed about something you’re doing at that moment, or you could be pleased and excited, thinking about something good. You might be running over a list of things to do, or worrying about something. Your mind might be peace and at rest.

By keeping a daily track like this, it might give you some interesting insight into the things that go through your mind. And if there is a similar theme cropping up, that can be really helpful too.

We often have a narrative running through our heads, and this can often be negative. “Why did I do that?”. “I bet they think I’m useless”. “I always get things wrong”. Recognise any of these? We’ve all been guilty of this self criticism at times.

But when this narrative is playing on repeat, it can have a really harmful effect on how we feel and how we behave. We might stop putting ourselves forward for things, or we become more withdrawn, out of fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, for example.

The sooner we’re able to identify some of the more negative or unhelpful thought patterns, the easier it is to challenge and change them.

Photo credit:   Caleb George on Unsplash